Merry Belated Christmas! Are you exhausted? Is Christmas over for you and now you can focus on your New Year's celebrations?
I have two Christmas celebrations done and two to go. This is not a complaint. We have it pretty easy. No divorced parents to deal with. No traveling to do except the 15 minutes across town. And for the most part - little effort is required by myself which is fantastic. So far I haven't even had to make any food. Well, I did make some sugar cookies for Santa, but the dough was pre-made so I'm not sure that even counts. The frosting was homemade though. And I did mash the dough together so I could cut out Christmas shapes instead of just spoonfuls of dough plopped onto a cookie sheet. I'm not dogging that because that is what I normally would do, but tis the season to be a little crafty I suppose.
We don't have too many out of the ordinary Christmas traditions. Leave cookies out for Santa. We don't care about the reindeer. They can eat the dead grass outside. We'll keep our carrots for some beef stew. I forced Cody to let me read a couple of Christmas books before bed on Christmas Eve. He wanted something else, but I eventually won since I can read and he can't. Dumb ass. We have the Elf on the Shelf, our elf is a little lazy and forgets to fly to the North Pole each night. He got there about once a week though. We also have the threatening car ride on the way to Grandma's house reminding the kids they have to say thank you after they open each gift even if it is something awful like socks and underwear. This never really works since they are kids and to give a little boy socks, underwear or clothes of any kind is equal to running over a puppy out of spite.
We may have started a new tradition this year. Christmas Eve we were at the in-laws place having a casual dinner and exchanging presents before we had the more traditional dinner the next day with additional guests. It was a BBQ themed dinner - ribs, brisket, pulled pork, BBQ baked beans, cheesy corn, etc. Both of my kids don't really eat. It's not that they fill up on candy or that kind of thing. They just don't eat. The oldest is very small. He eats about 400 calories a day. He's going to be a jockey if I would ever start him on riding lessons. And of course all he cared about was opening presents and the sugar cookies he knew were available for dessert. He's not a fan of BBQ, but this is what was for dinner so you eat it or you starve. No PB&J - at least not in front of the grandparents and other relatives so I can be looked at with judgement that my kid is a terrible eater. So in typical 5-year old fashion he is acting like he's gagging over a tiny spoonful of cheesy corn that we are forcing him to eat. Then he actually gets the spoon into his mouth and I can see it all over his face. This isn't staying down. With the aid of his beloved grandmother he vomits into his plate at the dinner table. Dinner is done, dessert anyone?
With two Christmas parties to go, maybe I can force him to eat something else he doesn't like and we get a full family puke-a-rama going. Now that would be a Merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Little bedtime story for your children.
Today, I learned of the mythological creature called Krampus. Apparantly, Krampus pays his visit to you on December 5th. Beating naughty children and carting off the naughtiest children to his lair where he will drown or eat them or send them to Hell. This idea seems like it would be much more effective than Elf on the Shelf. Sure it might give them nightmares, but there's nothing naughtier than waking up mommy and daddy when they are sleeping so keep those night terrors to yourselves, kiddos.
More importantly, with Krampus comes Krampuslauf - a party where guests come dressed as Krampus. According to Wikipedia - which as we all know speaks nothing but the truth so help them God - the Krampus is fueled by alcohol and the Krampus' drink of choice is schnapps. Now, I'm not a huge fan of schnapps, but I do enjoy a good adult party theme centered around costumes and alcohol. Not everyone is on board with Halloween throughout the year.
To learn more about this heart warming...or is that heart eating character check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krampus. I haven't found his Facebook page yet.
More importantly, with Krampus comes Krampuslauf - a party where guests come dressed as Krampus. According to Wikipedia - which as we all know speaks nothing but the truth so help them God - the Krampus is fueled by alcohol and the Krampus' drink of choice is schnapps. Now, I'm not a huge fan of schnapps, but I do enjoy a good adult party theme centered around costumes and alcohol. Not everyone is on board with Halloween throughout the year.
To learn more about this heart warming...or is that heart eating character check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krampus. I haven't found his Facebook page yet.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tis the season to be annoying.
11 days till Christmas and I'm trying to stay in the Christmas spirit, but some things keep bringing me down. And who would I be if I didn't pass these annoyances along to you and sour your Christmas spirit, too? Well, I wouldn't be 4th Gear, that's for damn sure.
First on the list are the Facebook posts reminding me that "He is the reason for the season." Now, it isn't that post exactly that irritates me. I'm a mostly good little Christian girl and I agree that He is the reason for the season...along with gifts for myself. My irritation is in the next sentence or the next post after that one by the same person/people that says Merry X-Mas. Maybe their He is different from my He. Maybe they aren't talking about Christ at all in which case, I would like to be informed who their He is. Maybe they are in fact talking about Santa Claus. But I'm pretty sure they are talking about Christ in which case I appreciate their oxymoron of a statement as it gives me a moment to judge them. Plus it gives me something to pray about later. With this much perfection, sometimes it is hard to come up with things to ask forgiveness for.
Second on my list are the anti-theft precautions that increase each holiday season. I heard on the radio yesterday (not NPR, you know I'm not a lesbian) that shoplifting is up 6% this year. I firmly believe shoplifting is up because these anti-theft precautions make you want to shoplift. I was at Target over the weekend and wanted to pick something up in the electronics department. It was hanging in an aisle and didn't realize until I tried to take it off the hook that there was some fancy device on the hanger so I couldn't just pull it off. The item cost $39.99. It was just a random accessory type of thing in a medium size box. I know the video games are kept locked up, but was surprised that this item was locked up. So I went to the electronics department check-out desk and stood in line to ask that someone come unlock it. Got up to the desk and made my request. That person then radioed someone else and I was told the person would meet me in my aisle shortly. So I went back to my aisle and stood by it. Finally a person came to unlock my item. She had several sets of items piled in her hands that she had retrieved for other people and of course it has to be an employee that takes them up to the check out area as the consumers might steal it. Then I follow her back to the check out area and stand in line again to pay for my item. All the while pushing a cart of items that I'm not allowed to purchase in the electronics department through a sea of other customers. Is this really the best process? Surely this could be simplified in some way. What is the point of the detectors you have to walk through when leaving the store or all of the video cameras?
The most annoying trend during the holiday season are the decorations. I white trash my house all up for Halloween so I tend to go minimal at Christmas. So I am aware I'm a little biased about the overkill on decorations. But I guess I didn't get the memo that if one inflatable Christmas decoration in your front yard is good, then 10 is even better.
So with just 11 days left before Christmas, go out and get another inflatable Christmas decoration for your yard. I think they are carried in the Electronics Department. Good luck!
First on the list are the Facebook posts reminding me that "He is the reason for the season." Now, it isn't that post exactly that irritates me. I'm a mostly good little Christian girl and I agree that He is the reason for the season...along with gifts for myself. My irritation is in the next sentence or the next post after that one by the same person/people that says Merry X-Mas. Maybe their He is different from my He. Maybe they aren't talking about Christ at all in which case, I would like to be informed who their He is. Maybe they are in fact talking about Santa Claus. But I'm pretty sure they are talking about Christ in which case I appreciate their oxymoron of a statement as it gives me a moment to judge them. Plus it gives me something to pray about later. With this much perfection, sometimes it is hard to come up with things to ask forgiveness for.
Second on my list are the anti-theft precautions that increase each holiday season. I heard on the radio yesterday (not NPR, you know I'm not a lesbian) that shoplifting is up 6% this year. I firmly believe shoplifting is up because these anti-theft precautions make you want to shoplift. I was at Target over the weekend and wanted to pick something up in the electronics department. It was hanging in an aisle and didn't realize until I tried to take it off the hook that there was some fancy device on the hanger so I couldn't just pull it off. The item cost $39.99. It was just a random accessory type of thing in a medium size box. I know the video games are kept locked up, but was surprised that this item was locked up. So I went to the electronics department check-out desk and stood in line to ask that someone come unlock it. Got up to the desk and made my request. That person then radioed someone else and I was told the person would meet me in my aisle shortly. So I went back to my aisle and stood by it. Finally a person came to unlock my item. She had several sets of items piled in her hands that she had retrieved for other people and of course it has to be an employee that takes them up to the check out area as the consumers might steal it. Then I follow her back to the check out area and stand in line again to pay for my item. All the while pushing a cart of items that I'm not allowed to purchase in the electronics department through a sea of other customers. Is this really the best process? Surely this could be simplified in some way. What is the point of the detectors you have to walk through when leaving the store or all of the video cameras?
The most annoying trend during the holiday season are the decorations. I white trash my house all up for Halloween so I tend to go minimal at Christmas. So I am aware I'm a little biased about the overkill on decorations. But I guess I didn't get the memo that if one inflatable Christmas decoration in your front yard is good, then 10 is even better.
So with just 11 days left before Christmas, go out and get another inflatable Christmas decoration for your yard. I think they are carried in the Electronics Department. Good luck!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
My oldest child is days away from turning five. I'm not typically a sentimental person. And I don't normally have an issue with age - mine or that of my kids. But Cody turning five gets me a little. You see, five is big. Five is a little boy. Five is not a toddler. Five is definitely not a baby. And I don't even really like babies. I had to like my own babies, but would much prefer to birth a child and it immediately be a year old. You know, when it is more than just a little smelly blob. I like it when they have little personalities and can interact with you.
Luckily Cody is combatting my sentimentalness with terrible behavior - making it much easier to forget about how quickly the last five years have gone and how big he is getting. Instead, I have visions of boarding or military school. Do they start those at the kindergarten level? I haven't actually googled it yet. Yet.
He's still a little momma's boy that wants me to do everything for him. I'm trying not to ruin him for a future spouse, but it may already be too late. Currently he's playing with his older toys and hasn't touched any of the toys he got at his birthday party earlier today...that I painstainkly opened and put together. If you have kids then you know that openeing toys is a big chore. Everything is tied or taped down. It took me 15 minutes to get one toy out and that doesn't include loading it with batteries. One
toy's battery compartment has screws so tiny that none of our screwdrivers can get to it. Am I seriously going to have to buy a special screwdriver just to make this toy work? Damn you, Fisher Price!
Soon Cody will be 5 and officially be a little boy. My little boy. And to think just five years, nine months ago I was drinking some green beer followed by some ugly drunk sex.
Luckily Cody is combatting my sentimentalness with terrible behavior - making it much easier to forget about how quickly the last five years have gone and how big he is getting. Instead, I have visions of boarding or military school. Do they start those at the kindergarten level? I haven't actually googled it yet. Yet.
He's still a little momma's boy that wants me to do everything for him. I'm trying not to ruin him for a future spouse, but it may already be too late. Currently he's playing with his older toys and hasn't touched any of the toys he got at his birthday party earlier today...that I painstainkly opened and put together. If you have kids then you know that openeing toys is a big chore. Everything is tied or taped down. It took me 15 minutes to get one toy out and that doesn't include loading it with batteries. One
toy's battery compartment has screws so tiny that none of our screwdrivers can get to it. Am I seriously going to have to buy a special screwdriver just to make this toy work? Damn you, Fisher Price!
Soon Cody will be 5 and officially be a little boy. My little boy. And to think just five years, nine months ago I was drinking some green beer followed by some ugly drunk sex.
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