Slutsgiving

October 31st is almost upon us. Some refer to this as Halloween. I refer to it as the birth of an angel. Me. Now while you ponder how you will shower me with appreciation, gifts and wealth I will talk about what Halloween really is - Slutsgiving.

This is the time of year that all the little goody two shoes whore it up under the guise that it is okay to look like a slut because it is Halloween. However, their true costume - a cock tease. If I know sluts - and we all know I do - skimpy clothing is not a prerequisite to sleep around a lot. Most sluts dress pretty normal - long sleeves and long pants when it is cold, short sleeves and shorts when it is warm. It's the cock teases of the world that put all their goods on display just to show it off, get men stirred up and then don't put out. You're supposed to give the candy out on Halloween. Not just show it and then keep it for yourself. Where did you go trick or treating?

I'm not completely dogging girls for slutting it up for Halloween. I get it. If it makes you feel cute and fun and naughty, then go for it. I'm sure it is a great example for little girls out there and for the feminist movement in general. By all means, let your roast beef hang out of your short skirt in honor of Halloween and more importantly, my birthday.

I favor funny costumes over slutty costumes. Sometimes they can be one in the same. Most of these slutty costumes just don't make sense to me. I'm not a huge history buff, so maybe Pocahontas was a gigantic whore. Maybe her ass did hang out of her dress. I've personally never been to a hospital where a nurse dressed in fishnet stockings, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. However, you've crossed the line at costumes like a slutty plumber or slutty Wizard of Oz scarecrow. That just doesn't really even make sense. Miss Freddy Krueger. That's completely made up!

Let's work on some more creative slut costumes. Let's venture out into other industries. Maybe a slutty pharmaceutical sales rep. Shirt and suit jacket on top, undies on bottom and you can roll a small suitcase around filled with sex toys.

My point is that the slutty costumes should make sense like Betty Boop, Hooters waitress, Playboy Bunny. You get the idea. If you're wearing a slutty costume just to look like a slut then just put a white t-shirt on with no bra and pour a bottle of water on your chest. Much simpler.

Whatever you dress up like this Halloween, I hope you're thinking of me. And more specifically, thinking about what you're going to get me for my birthday. At the very least I hope you toast to me and go 4th Gear for the night. It only hurts for a minute or two the next day.