It happens a little something like this...
Run into the bathroom nearly pissing my pants - I like to play the "wait to the last minute to pee" game. Plop down on the toilet just in time for no pee spillage without glancing over at the toilet paper roll. Grab at the toilet paper when I am done and then discover the remnant of a square left behind. Lean forward to check the basket that holds the spare toilet paper rolls. Looks empty, but there could be a roll at the bottom. Can't tell from this position. Do a little shimmy to shake off any excess and waddle over to the basket to discover....empty. Waddle back to the toilet to drip dry in my own home. During the drip dry, if the hubby is home, comes the argument over who used the last of the toilet paper. Blame is always set on the other person. I assume once the kids are old enough we will blame it on them. Then comes the walk to the basement to discover what I already knows to be true. There's no more toilet paper in storage. You see, I'm a big believer in buying in bulk. That and the hubby and I have a torrid love affair with Sam's Club. It's not physically possible to walk out of there without spending $100. It's not physically possible for us to walk out of there without buying something ridiculous. And wouldn't you know it, Sam's sells "ridiculous" in bulk, too.
Back to the toilet paper search. By this point, I've accepted the consequences of my drip dry or lack there of and now head to the other bathroom in the hopes there is a spare roll there. We have two bathrooms. The bathroom on the main floor is what we use 99% of the time. The other bathroom is between the toy room and the 5-year-old's room and is mainly used by the 5-year-old who requires very little toilet paper. (With his poor aim, he also doesn't seem to require much of a toilet, but that's another tale for another day.) However, we've had company in from out of town that have used that toilet and I knew I stocked it with a spare roll before they arrived in town. I was hoping I had gotten lucky and the spare roll hadn't been used yet. Not the case. There was less than a 1/3 of a roll, but it was at least some to get us through to the next day so we didn't have to venture out that evening. Proof there is a God.
Drip drying at home is not a good feeling. In my 20's at a bar....well, that's just natural. But in my 30's at home just feels wrong. Maybe it isn't white trash. Maybe African Americans, Asians, maybe even Canadians run out of toilet paper at home occasionally. Those Canadians probably don't even use toilet paper! Sickos!
I don't know. I haven't looked at the census report to know how whites fair against other ethnicities when it comes to the at-home-drip-dry, but my gut tells me it is a white thing.
If you're sitting on the can, reading this from your smart phone...I hope you have TP for your bun hole.
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