Opinions are like assholes....

...and some people need to bleach theirs.

Occasionally I am forced to realize that other people have opinions that differ from mine. I don't believe that their opinion matters of course. Let's not be ludicrous. However, because I understand it is socially acceptable - I let them (on occasion) voice these opinions without comment. Most of the time the "without comment" occurs because I am in such shock that an offensive opinion has just clobbered me over the head. Usually the most offensive opinions come when you're pregnant like "Wow! You're huge!" I'm always a fan of that one. Really, you can't tell me enough how over weight or unfit I am. I love it almost as much as getting a cavity filled.

So for your Friday (or whenever you might be reading this) enjoyment, here are a couple of my favorite experiences of someone's offensive opinion taking me out.

Disclaimer: If you're reading this and realize you are the offensive person in this situation - yes, you should be upset with yourself. I take apologies in the form of flowers, jewelry, or cold hard cash.

Shortly after I had my first son, I was attending a visitation for a friend's father who had passed away. I was holding my 4 month old son while waiting in the receiving line. Another friend and his wife came up to greet me and have their first look at my son. The wife - with a smile on her face and innocent look in her eyes - said, "Wow. He's got a big head just like his daddy." With one blow she took out both my baby and my husband. I'm still trying to figure out the best response to her. And let the record show, neither my husband nor my son (then or now) have an above average size head. Not above the neck that is.

It's common for people to share their words of wisdom over the names you're considering naming your unborn baby. I understand this and have been guilty of it myself on occasion. But since my opinion matters, I'm sure the soon-to-be mothers I gave my opinion to quickly reanalyzed their baby's possible names and corrected their mistake. Usually - at least in my experience - the name opinions stop after the child is born. So it came to my surprise recently when I went to my girlfriend's parents house with our kids to go swimming. Her Uncle asked me what my 1 year-old's name is. After I responded, he informed me that I've named my son a great male stripper's name.

Now, before I tell you what my youngest son's name is, please ponder for a moment what you feel are the best male stripper's names. And I know you can do better than Chip or Dale. Then please leave a comment with what you feel is the best male stripper name as well as if you agree if I have set a profession in motion for my son with his naming.


My son's name is...Keaton.