521

521 - That's how many Facebook friends I have. Excessive? Probably, but I'm a Facebook whore so it will probably get bigger....or maybe smaller after this blog. Of course I'd say only a 1/3 of that actually post on a regular basis. Then there's the 1/3 that never post, but are on there stalking what everyone else is doing. Then there's the 1/3 that haven't looked at Facebook for a long time. I've been thinking of writing this blog for some time, but was worried I would lose half of my Facebook friends. But the hell with it...we'll see what happens to "521" in 24 hours or so.

I just joined Facebook 2-3 years ago. Claimed I would never do it. But I'm in advertising and social media is huge so I joined out of force to stay current with the trend and figure out how I could apply it to clients and get paid for it. It didn't take long before I was hooked. Now it's my meth and I can't get enough. You know how it is, don't you? I feel confident most of my blog followers are as addicted to Facebook as I am.

Yet we're all annoyed. We all have our own etiquette books for Facebook. Since mine is the only one that matters, I'll publicize mine.

So to those that drop me as a Facebook friend, please know - although I'm annoyed by you, like my bad habit, I crave you, too. It's a sickness. I'm working on it. Well, not really...

(These are in no particular order.)
1. Vague statements of confrontation - Look, if you want to call someone out about something just do it. Don't post some vague message that the rest of us don't get but are now curious as to what is going on. Either fill us all in or don't put it on there.

2. Quotes - Why? Do you have a quote of the day calendar? Are you actually spending time looking these up each day, trying to figure out which one to post? How about you use your own words instead of someone else's. If I wanted to hear from Albert Einstein I'd friend him on Facebook.

3. LOL, LMAO, etc. etc. - I'm probably alone on this, but I don't like all the abbreviations. This isn't Twitter. You have enough characters to spell it all out. Don't make me look up some abbreviation to figure out what the hell it means.

4. Facebook should not replace texting - if you have something to say to someone you talk to regularly - like your husband, close friends, etc. etc. then text them. "What do you want for dinner tonight?" should be something you text your spouse, not post on Facebook. Or at the very least is a private message.

5. Detailed list - I don't care that you picked Johnny up from school, took him and Cindy to soccer practice then off to piano lessons followed by homework time. It's one thing if this was a post every once in a while, but when it is all you post, you make me sad. Do you really have nothing else to say? Are you trying to prove something?

6. Gym Rat - stop making me feel bad about myself because you just ran 10 miles in 4 minutes. Yes, I'll look through your photos when you post them of your latest Marathon...but I'll still be cursing you while I do it.

7. Love Bugs - Beyond saying happy anniversary or happy birthday, I don't really want to see all the "I love you." "I love you more" bullshit. Nobody loves their spouse that much in a public manner. Makes me want to start an affair rumor about one of you. Facebook is a place to ridicule and mock. That's what makes us happy.

8. Spoiler - You can't post the winner of some show or too much detail about something on Facebook while you're watching it live on Facebook. Give the rest of us time to watch it, too. As an additional comment under a post is fine. 

9. Teenage angst - Yes, I have some teenage Facebook friends. It's not pedophilia if they are family. And please know I love all of you, but all the "will I find the man of my dreams" makes me want to sterilize you. You're 15 (or some young age). Stop it. Not that you will listen to me, just as I didn't listen to my elders when I was that age.

10. Hooked on phonics - I'm not going to claim that I never make a typo, but some of you really need to go back to elementary school. Are you abbreviating? Nope, you just can't spell. Quit ignoring your computer or Iphone! It's trying to help you. Please understand how stupid it makes you look. And I know you're not all really that stupid. OK, some of you might be.

The only reason all the Farmville bullshit didn't make the list is because even Facebook was annoyed by it and allows us to block it out. Thank you, Facebook.