Once upon a time there was a beautiful young 18-year old woman named Molly with a flat stomach and perky breasts. (Quit with the eye rolling. This is my story and I'll tell it however the fuck I want.) And there was a young 19-year old man named Mike. How Mike and Molly initially met doesn't matter since neither one of them remember, but it was probably at a fraternity party after a dozen warm beers. Regardless they had been acquaintances and shared many mutual friends for about a year when they ran into each other one day outside of the University bookstore. One had a lighter and the other one needed one and there they stood, had a smoke and chatted for a bit. And it was in that brief 10 minute encounter that they took a look at each other with renewed (or sober) eyes.
Soon after, they started dating and continued dating through the rest of college, graduation, moving home, first jobs, and house hunting for a home of their own. Five years had gone by and Molly was beginning to wonder if common law marriage would just come into effect or if Mike would ever pop the question. Molly's parents had even offered to pay for an elopement to Vegas, but Mike always deferred to "one day, one day". Molly thought "one day" was never going to happen and started to grow impatient although Mike doesn't have any recollection of Molly's impatience. Eventually Molly assumed "one day" would never happen, but was happy with a life with Mike regardless. Plus she felt she had put too much time into shaping this one man to start over.
Then one unassuming Friday evening Mike and Molly decided to go to dinner in the town where they went to college. It was a very cold evening and after dinner Mike said he needed to stop by an ATM machine so he could get gas before they headed back home. Molly ignored Mike as she was used to doing and was trying to pay attention to some news on the radio. Mike pulled into the University bookstore parking lot where he knew an ATM machine was. However, the ATM machine was on the opposite side of the building and Molly doesn't like to sit in a car by herself as she is scared she will get kidnapped. (Yes, kidnapped. I just know someone is going to snatch me.) So Mike and Molly both walked around the building toward the ATM machine. Molly was very annoyed as it was very cold and she was very interested in hearing more of the news on the radio and could he seriously not fill up or get cash before picking her up that evening?
Molly was ahead of Mike as Mike was lolly gagging behind as Molly knew him to do often. Then Mike stooped down to tie his shoe. Molly looked through the bookstore window at a display trying not to scream at Mike although she was growing increasingly annoyed at his slowness and him in general. Then Mike said he had something for Molly. Mike was known to occasionally get Molly trinkets at gas stations during his many travels around the state. So Molly held out her hand expecting to have him set a snow globe or some such treasure in her hand. That is when Mike asked Molly to be his wife.
And Molly responded, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
And they've lived mostly happy, but still annoyed by each other occasionally, ever after.
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