My U.S. Intervention Plan

So all of that political talk yesterday generated a brilliant idea. I came up with it myself. No really, I did.

Here goes.

Step 1: Gather up all the bottom feeders. I'm not talking about the welfare mom that keeps having babies to get paid from the government. Although she might be included on this list if she is making absolutely no effort to better herself, family, community, etc. Gather up the douche bags. Like the entire cast of Jersey Shore. Gather up the embarrassments. Like the whorish 16 year old that married the dude from The Green Mile. (Body shiver - and not the good kind.) Just all the people that are not just a drain on our economy, but a drain on humanity because they are so ridiculous.

Step 2: Take that group and move them elsewhere. Like Canada or somewhere unimportant like that. Let them fend for themselves or be another country's problem. It would be inhuman to kill them and I don't want to come off like Hitler or something. This isn't a race, age or sex thing. It's a stupidity thing.

Step 3: Close the borders for at least two years. Nobody comes in, nobody goes out. I know - you'll have to vacation within the 50 states. (Yes, there are 50. I looked it up.) This will be a time of rebuilding and reconnecting. Essentially when we gotta figure our shit out and it should be easier to do without the distractions of others.

Step 4: After those 2 years, nobody can become a U.S. Citizen without a series of exams. Personality, education, psych, etc. Make sure they are cool enough to become a U.S. citizen. Think of it like a fraternity or sorority. We don't want to allow anybody back in or anybody new that can't hold their own.

Step 5: Nation is rebuilt and now we're not only powerful, we're pretty fucking awesome.

Done and done. You're welcome, Obama.